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20-Dec-2017 12:19

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Sex and love are the great driving forces of human affairs: the source of our deepest feelings and the inspiration for much of our culture. Introducing a major two-week series, Deborah Orr considers the enigma of sexual and romantic magnetism Attraction. With that other person, one will feel that nothing is missing any more.

All that matters is the next encounter, for with its consummation one will feel euphoric, blissful, thrumming with life and with tenderness.

We don't like it when our mums tell us that it is not "real" because we have never met Frankie from Look We're Boys. The great thing about "love at first sight" is that it is retrospective.

It's love we want, because we want to believe that love conquers all. The exchange of a special look can be forgotten within moments if a seemingly perfect potential partner is exposed in a minute of conversation as a humourless bore, or a sleazy vulgarian, or merely myopic.

And if the encounter does develop if sexual pairing is as intimate and intense as it promised to be, if care, commitment and domestic compatibility lead inexorably to the creation of one big happy family, then that first meeting becomes a talismanic opening to a family's narrative of perfect togetherness.

Attraction can provide a link to another human so irresistible that it feels like an enchantment, one that renders all other needs and duties oddly meaningless, tiresome and irrelevant.

For Dante or Petrarch, courtly love was a kind of divine torture, with young men pining and fading for years at the sight of a chaperoned maiden who besotted them.

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